The Smurfs presented moral lessons in a repetitive manner, making it comprehensible to all children with normal cranial capacity. Smurfs were as American as a monster truck rally. Or were they as red as the Smurf berries? Doon doon doon…

What’s wrong with a colony of a hundred or so, three apple high evlish blue creatures? They were never violent, they never swore, and to the best of our knowledge there wasn’t any barbiturate abuse in the Smurf village. We were enamored with this Smurf-topia, only to be blinded to a harsher reality. The Smurfs were dirty rotten communists!

Land wasn't all the Smurfs shared. Food and provisions were kept safe in communal mushroom huts and distributed equally to every Smurf. Farmer Smurf didn't sell his crops to Consumer Smurf and it was understood that whatever he grew was for everyone. Neither goods nor services, no matter how vital, were not sold for the profit of a single Smurf. Each Smurf worked for the common good, a fundamental Marxist principle. Baker Smurf was their camp cook, feeding ungrateful Smurf mouths, Handy Smurf was there when your hot tub filter got clogged, etc, etc, etc.

It takes a village to raise a Smurf [for instructions on commie child developement, see the book by Clinton, Hillary].

One thing the likes of GM and United could learn from this experiement is that Smurfs are able to stay in business by avoiding labor union woes. By avoiding the possibility of more than one Smurf doing the same job, it's nearly impossible for that Smurf to form a successful union with outrageous demands. Papa Smurf and Grandpa were over 500 years old. Can you imagine if Brainy told them that he couldn't cover their pensions for the next century?

Smurf Village is closed market. There is no money or foreign trade, and all possessions are communal. Smurfs reject the idea of a free market, with its greed and inequities.

In the tradition of pure Marxism, the Smurf Village is atheist. There is no god, and definitely no Priest/Rabbi/Mullah/Medicine Smurf.

Individual Smurf occupations are an important indication that the Smurfs were indeed communists. Whatever their position in the village, be it Painter or Baker, they were allowed only that position and having multiple functions in society was wildy innapropriate. One episode depicted the Smurfs switching jobs. Vanity Smurf tried to paint, Poet Smurf tried to build, etc. Of course hilarity ensued, but the results were disastrous.

Most Americans thought Papa Smurf was sporting the good ol’ Red, White and Blue. What they didn’t’ notice is that Papa’s hat and pants (with booties) were beacons of Socialism. The general work uniform is highly reminiscent of the so-called Mao Suit, common in Maoist China. Every Smurf wore the same colors and sang the same song everywhere they went - stressing their Smurfy unity. Didn't you catch yourself singing "La la la la la la..."? We know you did. Everyone did. Everyone.

But who would be the most terrifying enemy of a village of elfin blue communists? Why a greedy capitalist, of course! Gargamel's wicked plan for the Smurfs was to capture them and turn them into gold (until the ratings dropped and then he wanted to eat smurfs). The evil antagonist of the Smurfs was the ultimate capitalist, terrorizing the peaceful little commie Smurf community. Things that make you go hmm.

Smurfy language frequently uses the word "smurf" and derivatives of it in a variety of meanings. Replace enough nouns and verbs in everyday speech with “smurf” as to make their conversations barely understandable. This is very similar to how communist China has changed everything to the “people’s”, e.g. people’s army, people’s leader. At D&D.com headquarters we employ similar tatics by using sentences like "Dave Dave Dylan & Dave Dylan Dylan; Dylan Dave Dave & Dylan."

Smurfette is unique in the village in that she is not defined by an occupation or a personality trait, but only by her sex. Smurfette's main occupation seems to be standing around looking pretty, i.e. 'being the woman'. However, she is quite a bit sharper than the rest of the Smurfs, except of course, for Papa.

She’s a Fem-Bot created by Gargomel sent as a Trojan Horse into Smurf Village. Luckily Papa put a spell on Evil Smurfette, transforming her into the beautiful Smurfette we know and love (which obviously entitles her to a food and shelter).

Smurfette has no breasts - does this mean Smurfette could actually be a male dressed as a female? Gargamel is just crazy enough to pull the wool over the eyes of our unsuspecting smurfs.

The Smurf Village, with its 99:1 ratio of males to females, is definitely a patriarchy. This adds to the idea of females as commodities - Smurfette is changed and created by men, and is beautiful by their standards. And at the end of it she is thankful.

The Smurf Village or The Manhole?

For hundreds of years Smurf Village was all-male, until Smurfette came along. This means that they didn't procreate by traditional means, and thus, 'heterosexuality' would not be the norm.

In ancient Greece government was by all the people, and by 'all the people' they meant men. Women weren't invited to participate in public affairs. And a little dude on dude never raised an eyebrow.

No Smurf ever forms a relationship with Smurfette. Although she is the focus of some childish rivalries, especially between Hefty and Handy. The sexual tension is more between Hefty and Handy themselves, who seem to be more interested in impressing each other than lovely Smurfette.

If the Smurf Village existed for ages without any females, how would the Smurfs have been able to understand what the Smurfette was?

We believe Hefty, Handy and Vanity are flaming homosexuals. Vanity is the kind of gay stereotype commonly presented by the straight entertainment industry. Hefty and Handy are gay like varsity football players, with their extreme masculinity and uber-manliness.

Poor Smurfette, she’s caught in the middle of a reverse Gilligan’s Island story but surrounded by queers. That’s what she gets for being a communist.

You know what is completely unsmurfy (aka capitalist) this discount compact flourescent light store